Chronic Stress in Teens and Children
What is stress?
Stress is a part of our daily life; it is how the body and brain respond to the pressures and challenges of life. The dictionary defines stress as a “state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.” The National Institute of Mental Health reminds us that stress can come to us in 3 different ways:
Stress can come to all of us through daily activities such as school, work, and family.
Significant life changes such as divorce, a move, illness, medical procedures, or job loss may cause stress.
During an event such as a major accident, war, assault, or natural disaster where people may be in danger of being seriously hurt or killed, people experience traumatic stress. While some who experience traumatic stress may suffer difficult temporary emotional and physical symptoms, most people recover naturally after the stressful event resolves.
In reality, not all stress is bad, especially if we have the tools to confront it. For instance, when in danger, our body releases hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, which prepares the body to deal with the incident (fight or flight). In situations that are not physically threatening, stress helps us mentally prepare and focus, often motivating us to do our best.
Acute Stress vs. Chronic Stress in Teens & Children
Stress produced by a single incident usually resolves as the situation resolves; the body signals that the threat is gone, resuming normal functioning. However, with long-term, or chronic stress, the body continues under this heightened state of alertness and does not know when to return to normalcy. This type of chronic stress can be a source of tension and weakness to the body and mind, draining our energy, causing illness and mental health challenges. Functioning in a survival mode, the child or adolescent cannot focus on her or his daily life.
What does chronic stress look like in children 0r teens?
Symptoms of chronic stress in childhood may present in one or more of the following ways:
Obesity
A weakened immune system
Sleep disruption
Gastrointestinal disorders
Skin irritation
Respiratory infections (such as asthma)
Suppose the chronic stress due to adverse childhood experiences remains untreated. This unresolved stress may manifest in adulthood in some of the following ways:
heart disease
high blood pressure
diabetes
obesity
a weakened immune system
sexual dysfunction
gastrointestinal disorders
skin irritation
respiratory infections
autoimmune disease.
What are Everyday Stressors for Children and Adolescents?
Both children and adolescents can experience stress when their time is over-scheduled. School, (academic demands), extracurricular activities (such as sports, clubs, dance-- physical demands) and service organizations such as Scouts, National Honor Society or Church) may leave adolescents and even children without free time. The perception that they are not living up to the expectation of their parents and teachers can also cause anxiety symptoms. For teens, peer pressure and acceptance have always been sources of stress. The unreal expectations that teens experience on social media further compound their anxiety. Adolescents can cope with any of these common stressors with access to the appropriate support system. However, teens can become overwhelmed by their demands and move into chronic stress.
Some children and adolescents live through more traumatic stressors known as adverse childhood experiences.
The Center for Disease Control gives examples of these traumatic experiences:
experiencing violence, abuse, or neglect
witnessing violence in the home or community
having a family member attempt or die by suicide
substance use problems within the family
mental health problems
instability due to parental separation or household members being in jail or prison
instability due to chronic disease of a parent or caregiver
These types of chronic stress in teens and children may cause disease, mental health problems (see above), substance abuse, and addiction in adolescence and adulthood.
Signs To Look for with Chronic Stress in Teens and Children
Some examples of a child or adolescent’s attempts to cope with chronic or unresolved stress maybe, but are not limited to:
meltdowns and tantrums
acting out in school
complaining of stomach aches and headaches
trouble sleeping, insomnia, or change in sleep patterns
frequently sick
aggression toward siblings
difficulty with change (more than before)
hypersensitivity
mood swings
change in grades
disruptions in appetite
isolation, withdrawing from family or friends
These behaviors may be due to the stressors mentioned above or a more profound trauma that the parents do not recognize. For example, if the mother experiences a traumatic experience during pregnancy or nursing, she produces cortisol, which passes to her child. This child may be more prone to develop PTSD after trauma, struggle to recover from a stressful experience, isolate and have difficulty with relationships. These tendencies can be passed to future generations, making trauma cyclical. However, there is good news! An experienced attachment trauma therapist can help manage overt stress and help find the hidden causes of chronic stress and anxiety that neither the child nor parent may recognize.
What Can Parents do at Home to Reduce Chronic Stress in Teens and Children in Phoenix, AZ?
Be observant. Recognize the signs of your child or teen’s physical and emotional response to stress: difficulty sleeping, mood swings, depression, frequent illness, isolation, or fatigue.
Talk to your pediatrician or a therapist at the first of these signs.
Make sure your teen or child gets regular exercise. Recreation or sports are great, or just 30 minutes per day of walking can help boost their mood and improve health.
Try to make time each day to talk to your teen or child and get to know them as a person. One of the most important things parents can do is encourage loving, non-judgmental conversation with both children and adolescents. Avoid giving advice, and practice listening.
Focused time and attention for a child or teen of any age are imperative. For children, voice prosody is very calming. Reading stories or singing with them during the day or before bed is an effective way to bond and strengthen relationships with children.
It is critical to structure bedtime. Try to limit screen time an hour before bed, develop rituals (such as a cup of tea), bedtime bath or shower, hydrate during the day, and participate in calming activities such as yoga or reading. Teens may want to make a favorite playlist to fall asleep. Having a playlist is helpful but it’s important that your teen does not have access to his/her phone overnight. Both children and adolescents respond well to mindfulness exercises and meditation. Mindfulness helps young people become aware of their bodies and responses to their surroundings. Mindfulness meditation has a positive effect on anxiety, stress, and depression.
When parenting during difficult times, it is imperative to take care of ourselves and maximize our relationships with our children.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself! If you are stressed and depleted, it will be more challenging to remain patient. Eat well, and avoid drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. Get plenty of rest, and make sure you schedule self-care throughout the day (reading, meditation, exercise, etc.). Take breaks, breathe deeply, practice self-compassion! You will get through this more resilient than before!
Try and create a parent support group with friends or family. We were not meant to parent in isolation!
A few possible options for a support group are:
Local parenting cooperatives,
Online parenting communities and support groups
Trained therapists in attachment-focused strategies and developmental trauma are often helpful for you, your child, and the whole family.
Parenting classes can be helpful too. Such classes can reduce your feelings of anger, guilt, and stress -- particularly if your child has challenging behavior patterns.
To find these resources, talk to your physician or therapist; you can also check the National Parenting Helpline, operated by Parents Anonymous. Ration your exposure to negative thoughts and negative media. The human brain always looks for patterns, so focus on the positive with your child, confident that she/he is the kind, loving child you know. In addition, stress can make us zero in on the negative, and unconsciously reinforce it. Your beliefs and biases can become self-fulfilling prophecies. If you assume the worst, you're liable to provoke negative behavior from other people, especially your child.
Focus on the now and the good:
Practice staying in the moment and not worrying about what this behavior means for your child's future. Notice the story you tell yourself about your child’s behavior. For example: If she/he doesn’t clean up after themselves will they be able to live independently?
Try replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, especially as a parent. Most of us have been taught to focus on negative behavior and ignore the child when he/she is being good.
Practice noticing the story you are telling yourself about yourself as a parent. When your child does ___, what do you say to yourself? For example: Do you wonder if you’re “good enough, or a failure, or ill-equipped?
Any attention is connected and thus rewarding, so even negative attention and punishment reinforce the behavior we are trying to eliminate. Changing our attitudes and thought processes do take work, but an effective attachment and trauma therapist and a positive support group or social network will help you make these changes.
Budget for more time to get things done and make a conscious effort not to over-schedule. Time is one of our most common stressors. If you or your child are suffering from anxiety symptoms or stress, downtime is more important than ever! Both the brain and body need time to unwind and relax. You might even consult with your child or the family to schedule downtime to relax as a family and alone time to relax as individuals. Planning time in nature for hiking, fishing, or camping can be very therapeutic and help the family bond. Remember that children and teens need more time to assimilate change and download from the stressors of everyday life.
Practice attachment parenting. During a time of heightened anxiety, the relationship you build with your child or adolescent can provide a strong foundation for dealing with stress or trauma now and in the future. Dr. Dan Siegel is a child neuropsychiatrist expert, He summarizes: "Connection means that we give our kids our attention, that we respect them enough to listen to them, that we value their contribution to problem-solving, and that we communicate to them that we’re on their side whether we like the way they’re acting or not.” Dr. Siegel also reminds us that discipline means to teach, not to punish, especially when we seek to reduce stress.
Dr. Siegel also promotes the importance of the Four “S’s” to foster secure attachment and health and heal trauma:
“Seen”; this is not just seeing with the eyes. It means perceiving them deeply and empathically," sensing the mind behind their behavior, with what Dr. Siegal calls "mindsight." It might mean taking time to hug, to find out how they are feeling, discuss the situation with the child in a non-judgmental way, and guide her/him.
“Safe”; we avoid actions and responses that frighten or hurt them. Helping children feel safe would include not raising their voices, spanking, or threatening. Reverting to punitive discipline will only increase the adolescent or child’s stress, rather than moving toward healing by helping them feel "safe."
“Soothed”; we help them deal with difficult emotions and situations; again, an educational, supportive vs. a punitive approach.
“Secure” we help them develop an internalized sense of well-being through our calm loving reaction to their stress.
To successfully meet our child or teen’s needs may require changing our attitude and our methods. Since most of our parents were not aware of these methods, we may need assistance and guidance applying them. To provide us with the help we need, we can seek a support group and a good therapist, well versed in attachment research and practice. The good news is that the brain can correct and heal at any time of life if given research-based support!! Brain plasticity is the term that describes the brain’s ability to change and respond at any time!
If you’re seeing chronic stress in teens and children, overtake this life, then online therapy in Phoenix, can help! As a licensed therapist specializing in attachment and trauma, I can help you resolve to build strong bonds with your child or adolescent and resolve chronic stress. Let’s work together! Please don’t hesitate to contact me!
Begin Online Therapy for Chronic Stress in Teens and Children!
At times, our children experience mental health concerns that become ongoing. Chronic stress can be detrimental to their mental health. Learn how chronic stress in teens and children can be overcome with a skilled trauma therapist who is based in attachment therapy. At my Phoenix, Arizona counseling practice I offer a variety of services here to help your family. As a therapist in Phoenix, AZ, Tahirih Herrera, who will help you overcome many barriers. To begin counseling follow these simple steps:
Meet with Tahirih, a skilled, and caring therapist
Begin helping your child overcome chronic stress today!
Other Counseling and Mental Health Services specialties:
As an online therapist in Arizona, I offer a wide range of services to support your entire family. In my Phoenix, AZ therapy practice, other areas of focus and mental health services include therapy for children, anxiety treatment, pre-teen therapy, EMDR therapy, trauma, grief and loss counseling, and therapy for teens. Additionally, I values using types of counseling interventions that research has proven can help improve mental health. These treatment modalities include as Brainspotting, EMDR, Dyadic Psychotherapy, and Somatic Experiencing, which help with anxiety, depression, and trauma. All these services are available via online therapy in Arizona. Therefore, while I’m based in Phoenix, you can begin counseling online whether you live in Tucson, Mesa, Chandler, Scottsdale, or anywhere in the state. Confidence, happiness, and joy are not out of you or your child's reach. I am here to walk through chronic stress in teens and children with your loved ones when you both are ready to take the next steps. Get in touch soon!